If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
– Mother Teresa
In recent days, my social media has been flooding with posts related to the March for Life. I’ve seen beautiful posts eloquently written by mothers talking about the difficulty but beauty of motherhood; shared articles by excited Republicans on President Trump’s attendance at the rally; seemingly “radical” posts that expose the horrors of abortion; and to my relief, posts about the importance of protecting all life.
This flood of opinions, emotions, thoughts, stubbornness, anger, pain, hope and kindness has left me feeling with a bit of whiplash. I’ve often struggled to call myself pro-life and something about that word just makes me feel uneasy. At the same time however I don’t know if I could call myself pro-choice either. I see good and bad things about both sides and I don’t want to be part of either.
As a Catholic woman, I always felt like I should be pro-life. I love babies. And I mean LOVE. The majority of my Instagram explore feed is of babies, I will obsess over little baby shoes or cute baby pajamas, and if you show me your baby, chances are I’ll be holding him/her in the next 30 seconds. Growing up I thought: I’m Catholic, I love babies, I want to promote good, therefore I must be pro-life. Despite this, however, when my Catholic friends in college invited me to the March for Life or any other protests against abortion, I could never say yes. I felt like they were saying “You’re obviously pro-life, right? I mean how could you not be, you’re not an evil person are you?”. I felt guilty every time I said no to their invitations or made up an excuse not to go, but I could not freely and honestly say yes.
The March for Life comes and goes every year and each time, I feel a mixture of emotions that after ignoring, disappear until a new bill is passed, another protest happens or a new debate commences. This time, however, I’ve decided not to ignore these emotions and while it makes me nervous and uncomfortable, I’ve decided to think about it. These are my thoughts.
Trump is not pro-life.
Politics, politics, politics. That is all that President Trump’s “pro-life” stance is to me. In an interview with NBC in 1999, Trump stated: “I am very pro-choice”. He said, he “hate[d] the concept of abortion” yet insisted that he is “very pro-choice”. His attitude towards abortion has played in his benefit to gain voters. And while his words at rallies such as the March for Life may seem to point to goodness, his character, statements and overall temperament, do not. We need to look at leaders who display to us what living a life of goodness is. Trump is a man who disrespects and violates women, admires dictators, and has reignited racist and discriminatory attitudes in our country. He is not a man who promotes a culture of respect, dignity or goodness.
Culture is just as important as policy.
The pro-life movement has always been so adamant about changing our policies and reversing Roe v. Wade, yet how often do we take the time to look at ourselves, our mindsets and the culture we have grown up in? Many times I have seen young women be scorned and judged by all sides of society for getting pregnant outside of wedlock. There is a sad irony in the fact that a person of faith may consider an abortion for fear that they will be ostracized or judged by their families or communities. Even outside of faith communities or within marriage, getting pregnant can cause a lot of fear and anxiety. The U.S. falls desperately behind most countries when it comes to making pregnancy easier for working women. Currently, our national government has 0 weeks of mandated paid leave for new parents. This policy is absurd to me as it assumes that mothers either don’t work or are okay with/capable of quitting their jobs after having a child. It also reflects a culture that prioritizes men in the workplace and encourages societal limitations that tell women they must choose between being a mother or having a career.
Dear men, be more careful when posting about abortion, and more eager to post about gender equality and solidarity with feminists.
When I see my male friends post about their views on abortion, I feel apprehensive. I understand that their hearts are in the right place, but I can only imagine how frustrated or misunderstood a woman struggling with her pregnancy must feel when she sees these posts. Biologically, mentally and socially, both pregnancy and abortion are arguably harder on women. My dear male friends, I encourage you to empathize a bit more and understand that abortion is an incredibly painful decision for a woman to make. Your posts, while well-intended, may be more hurtful than helpful to someone who is considering an abortion. Be gentle, and think twice before you post something; especially if it contains graphic images or language used to shame women. I encourage you to use kinder language and become a feminist. Yes we can be both! Join women in pushing for gender equality and a society that values women, and encourages and allows both parents to partake in child care. Your voices in this movement are incredibly important and a big component that can help reduce abortions.
Protesting in front of abortion clinics is neither good nor kind.
There are women in these clinics. Regardless of their decision, they are people who have the right to be at the clinics and seek guidance. Yelling at clinics will only make them feel afraid of you and unprotected. People are drawn to kindness, empathy, and forgiveness. If you want these women to listen, understand that angrily shouting will only make your voice harder to hear.
Making abortion illegal does not end abortion.
The legalization of abortion did not create abortion. In fact, abortion or types of pregnancy termination procedures have existed for hundreds of years. It is estimated that millions of women were receiving back-alley abortions every year before Roe v. Wade. My mother who grew up in Colombia, a conservative Catholic country with a history of strict laws against abortion, recalls horrific stories of women purposefully falling down sets stairs to terminate unwanted pregnancies. Eliminating safe abortion procedures does not necessarily mean that abortions will end; these types of decisions could instead lead to more difficult outcomes. We need to make sure that steps are taken to decrease abortion while it is legal.
Being pro-choice does not mean being pro-abortion.
Politics has a tendency of working within an “us versus them mind set”. We see Democrats versus Republicans, Liberals versus Conservatives and Pro-Life versus Pro-Choice. But what if instead of villainizing the other side, we worked with them to find common ground? If we presented women with the choice and increasingly they chose not to get an abortion, I think we could all potentially see this as a good thing. But to get to this point many things need to change. We should teach our teens about sex and move away from abstinence-only education in schools that actually leads to higher rates of teen pregnancies, and promotes the confusing idea that sex is bad and dirty. Our welfare programs should ensure that women and families receive the support they need in pregnancy. And our foster care and adoption system needs to improve in terms of the safety of children as well as the ability for couples to adopt. These are just a few points that I think we could find common ground on, but I’m sure that with an open discussion, and lots of empathy, we could find even more spots upon which progress could be built.
I don’t know if I am pro-life. I don’t know if I am pro-choice. Maybe I’m neither or maybe I’m both. I don’t really know and honestly, I think it’s okay to sometimes wander within the grey in between. It’s a place that allows me to listen more freely and welcome thoughts and opinions from all sides. What I do know is that I respect life. All lives. I believe in respecting the lives of the unborn, women, migrants, refugees, the poor, the disabled, LGBTQ communities, minorities, those in prison and anyone else who may feel vulnerable and disadvantaged in our communities. I choose to listen, be slow to judgment, and work to create a free society that promotes humility and solidarity by putting others above ourselves and ourselves by the side of others.
nana activista 