Patient in a Pandemic

papi caminando al pibe
photo by nana

Before Coronavirus hit and we were forced to retreat from our plans and into our homes, I was scrambling to figure out my life. I needed to know what to do in pretty much all aspects, from family to career to relationships to faith and spirituality. My “need” and desire to know what to do and make sure I did it perfectly was inevitably leading me to a fast moving cycle of stress and anxiety.

When I came back home, this anxiety did not go away immediately. I was still trying to figure out many things but not really letting myself be patient.

I had a very wise catholic nun explain to me once that patience comes from the Latin word patientia which means “quality of suffering”. There is suffering in patience but there is also a great value because similar to patients at a hospital, when we are patient we are also healing.

This pandemic has forced us to become both patients and patient. While many of us are falling sick, all of us have been forced into some form of patience. Whether that’s in finding a job, seeing loved ones, practicing hobbies, or just having a “normal” life. It’s been odd and at many times frustrating, but something I have discovered in these past four months is that this forced pause on my life has been good for me. Unlike usual, I have been forced to take each day at a time enjoying things as they come, not worried as much about the future. I was lucky enough to accept a job and while normally I would be stressed about my “next step”, now I’ve been able to actually enjoy my work. I go on walks with my dad, bake, watch wholesome Netflix shows with my mom and just let myself rest.

Funny enough, when this pandemic started I was counting down the days until quarantine ended and life returned to usual. Now, I wonder what things I will miss from quarantine. Of course I look forward to regaining many aspects of my life, but I also don’t want to let go of the things I have discovered during this slower time.

Once we all leave this moment in time and take off these gowns of patience, I hope we can come out better, healthier, perhaps even more healed. I know that sounds like wishful thinking as buildings explode around us but ask yourself “what have I discovered in this time?”. Perhaps you have discovered that your marriage/relationship is not as steady as you thought; or that that one friend cared for you more than you realized; or maybe that you truly hate your job. What areas of your life disappeared and maybe for the better? Which ones did you realize needed some more attention?

For me writing out these things helps me hold myself accountable. So here is my note to future nana: take it easy, spend time with mami y papi, find common interests with your little brother, call your friends, go on walks, donate, exercise, call los abuelitos, bake for your family, think about your career but enjoy your current job, pursue spirituality in simpler and unexpected places, and take time to breathe. We will always have periods of waiting during our lifetime but don’t forget that while we are waiting, we are still living.

My Hesitation with the Pro-Life Movement

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

– Mother Teresa

In recent days, my social media has been flooding with posts related to the March for Life. I’ve seen beautiful posts eloquently written by mothers talking about the difficulty but beauty of motherhood; shared articles by excited Republicans on President Trump’s attendance at the rally; seemingly “radical” posts that expose the horrors of abortion; and to my relief, posts about the importance of protecting all life.

This flood of opinions, emotions, thoughts, stubbornness, anger, pain, hope and kindness has left me feeling with a bit of whiplash. I’ve often struggled to call myself pro-life and something about that word just makes me feel uneasy. At the same time however I don’t know if I could call myself pro-choice either. I see good and bad things about both sides and I don’t want to be part of either.

As a Catholic woman, I always felt like I should be pro-life. I love babies. And I mean LOVE. The majority of my Instagram explore feed is of babies, I will obsess over little baby shoes or cute baby pajamas, and if you show me your baby, chances are I’ll be holding him/her in the next 30 seconds. Growing up I thought: I’m Catholic, I love babies, I want to promote good, therefore I must be pro-life. Despite this, however, when my Catholic friends in college invited me to the March for Life or any other protests against abortion, I could never say yes. I felt like they were saying “You’re obviously pro-life, right? I mean how could you not be, you’re not an evil person are you?”. I felt guilty every time I said no to their invitations or made up an excuse not to go, but I could not freely and honestly say yes.

The March for Life comes and goes every year and each time, I feel a mixture of emotions that after ignoring, disappear until a new bill is passed, another protest happens or a new debate commences. This time, however, I’ve decided not to ignore these emotions and while it makes me nervous and uncomfortable, I’ve decided to think about it. These are my thoughts.

Trump is not pro-life.

Politics, politics, politics. That is all that President Trump’s “pro-life” stance is to me. In an interview with NBC in 1999, Trump stated: “I am very pro-choice”. He said, he “hate[d] the concept of abortion” yet insisted that he is “very pro-choice”. His attitude towards abortion has played in his benefit to gain voters. And while his words at rallies such as the March for Life may seem to point to goodness, his character, statements and overall temperament, do not. We need to look at leaders who display to us what living a life of goodness is. Trump is a man who disrespects and violates women, admires dictators, and has reignited racist and discriminatory attitudes in our country. He is not a man who promotes a culture of respect, dignity or goodness.

Culture is just as important as policy.

The pro-life movement has always been so adamant about changing our policies and reversing Roe v. Wade, yet how often do we take the time to look at ourselves, our mindsets and the culture we have grown up in? Many times I have seen young women be scorned and judged by all sides of society for getting pregnant outside of wedlock. There is a sad irony in the fact that a person of faith may consider an abortion for fear that they will be ostracized or judged by their families or communities. Even outside of faith communities or within marriage, getting pregnant can cause a lot of fear and anxiety. The U.S. falls desperately behind most countries when it comes to making pregnancy easier for working women. Currently, our national government has 0 weeks of mandated paid leave for new parents. This policy is absurd to me as it assumes that mothers either don’t work or are okay with/capable of quitting their jobs after having a child. It also reflects a culture that prioritizes men in the workplace and encourages societal limitations that tell women they must choose between being a mother or having a career.

Source: Pew Research Center

Dear men, be more careful when posting about abortion, and more eager to post about gender equality and solidarity with feminists.

When I see my male friends post about their views on abortion, I feel apprehensive. I understand that their hearts are in the right place, but I can only imagine how frustrated or misunderstood a woman struggling with her pregnancy must feel when she sees these posts. Biologically, mentally and socially, both pregnancy and abortion are arguably harder on women. My dear male friends, I encourage you to empathize a bit more and understand that abortion is an incredibly painful decision for a woman to make. Your posts, while well-intended, may be more hurtful than helpful to someone who is considering an abortion. Be gentle, and think twice before you post something; especially if it contains graphic images or language used to shame women. I encourage you to use kinder language and become a feminist. Yes we can be both! Join women in pushing for gender equality and a society that values women, and encourages and allows both parents to partake in child care. Your voices in this movement are incredibly important and a big component that can help reduce abortions.

Protesting in front of abortion clinics is neither good nor kind.

There are women in these clinics. Regardless of their decision, they are people who have the right to be at the clinics and seek guidance. Yelling at clinics will only make them feel afraid of you and unprotected. People are drawn to kindness, empathy, and forgiveness. If you want these women to listen, understand that angrily shouting will only make your voice harder to hear.

Making abortion illegal does not end abortion.

The legalization of abortion did not create abortion. In fact, abortion or types of pregnancy termination procedures have existed for hundreds of years. It is estimated that millions of women were receiving back-alley abortions every year before Roe v. Wade. My mother who grew up in Colombia, a conservative Catholic country with a history of strict laws against abortion, recalls horrific stories of women purposefully falling down sets stairs to terminate unwanted pregnancies. Eliminating safe abortion procedures does not necessarily mean that abortions will end; these types of decisions could instead lead to more difficult outcomes. We need to make sure that steps are taken to decrease abortion while it is legal.

Being pro-choice does not mean being pro-abortion.

Politics has a tendency of working within an “us versus them mind set”. We see Democrats versus Republicans, Liberals versus Conservatives and Pro-Life versus Pro-Choice. But what if instead of villainizing the other side, we worked with them to find common ground? If we presented women with the choice and increasingly they chose not to get an abortion, I think we could all potentially see this as a good thing. But to get to this point many things need to change. We should teach our teens about sex and move away from abstinence-only education in schools that actually leads to higher rates of teen pregnancies, and promotes the confusing idea that sex is bad and dirty. Our welfare programs should ensure that women and families receive the support they need in pregnancy. And our foster care and adoption system needs to improve in terms of the safety of children as well as the ability for couples to adopt. These are just a few points that I think we could find common ground on, but I’m sure that with an open discussion, and lots of empathy, we could find even more spots upon which progress could be built.

I don’t know if I am pro-life. I don’t know if I am pro-choice. Maybe I’m neither or maybe I’m both. I don’t really know and honestly, I think it’s okay to sometimes wander within the grey in between. It’s a place that allows me to listen more freely and welcome thoughts and opinions from all sides. What I do know is that I respect life. All lives. I believe in respecting the lives of the unborn, women, migrants, refugees, the poor, the disabled, LGBTQ communities, minorities, those in prison and anyone else who may feel vulnerable and disadvantaged in our communities. I choose to listen, be slow to judgment, and work to create a free society that promotes humility and solidarity by putting others above ourselves and ourselves by the side of others.

Women Wednesday- Agnes Varda

Portrait of Agnes Varda (photo by Alasdair McLellan)

If we opened people up, we’d find landscapes.

– Agnes Varda

[Trigger Warning: this article briefly mentions acts of suicide]

One of the most fantastic ways to push for change is through art. Art is an expression of emotion and emotion is the way we all connect. Agnes Varda, a little woman with a big personality, revealed to us how art can be used as a form of activism by connecting with people to generate empathy and expose the flaws in society. She used film to tell stories that were relatable, bold and stretched the art of filmography. Her talents and authenticity allowed her to thrive in an area previously dominated by men, and allowed her to tell the stories of those who were seldom given a place to speak.

I’ve watched many of Varda’s films and after finishing, I am often glued to my seat, captivated by the story I have just experienced. This is what Varda does, she brings you into her world through film and gives you an experience that expands your understanding of herself and other people.

Le Bonheur (Happiness) which first came out in 1965, is one of those films and a remarkable work of art. On the surface it appears to be a simple story, but once you unravel it, you discover a complex societal truth.

~Spoiler alert! You can skip this next section if you plan on watching Le Bonheur~

In this film we meet Thérèse, her husband and their two beautiful children. Their life appears to be perfect yet we soon find out that François is having an affair. François lives out his affair confidently and is even encouraged by his friends who believe men should have fun and not commit to one woman. Through it all, he appears to believe he is doing nothing wrong and often talks about how he simply loves both women. Eventually, during a peaceful day outdoors, François decides to tell Thérèse about his affair. He tells her in a very light hearted manner and even asks if she can love him more now because of how happy he is with his affair. Thérèse agrees, they kiss and makeup, and everything seems to be fine until François wakes up from his nap and cannot find his wife. After searching, he finally finds her in a lake where she has drowned herself. Shortly after this awful incident, François meets with his lover who ultimately enters fully into his life taking up the role of his former wife and mother to his children.

Dark, I know. The feelings that this story provokes in you are the feelings Varda aims towards, while revealing the idea that society often sees women as replaceable. Through this made up story, with made up characters, Varda tells the real stories of many real women who at some point have felt that they are replaceable. Whether its a woman in an office dominated by men, a mother who feels under-appreciated, or a young girl who experiences objectification for the first time, these stories are real and they are still happening today.

“Yes, we are each unique, but society makes us replaceable because we’re [simply] social functions. We work, we make babies, society runs smoothly. What hurts in this movie is the way the second wife does the same things the first wife did. Le Bonheur is about the way society functions”

– Agnes Varda

Whether or not people agreed with Varda’s thoughts and ideas, they respected her for her talent and bravery in challenging people in their way of thinking. Agnes Varda who passed away this past March, left the world a piece of her heart and mind in her films. She challenges us now, through her films and artwork, to put ourselves in the shoes of all kinds of people, listen to their stories, and see the different landscapes that we may find.

Refugees: What Can I Do?

they have no idea what it is like to lose home at the risk of never finding home again, have your entire life split between two lands and become the bridge between two countries.

— rupi kaur

Amina- refugee from the Democratic of Congo and her baby triplets.
austin, texas
(photo by nana)

This past Thursday, the Trump administration announced that it will accept only 18,000 refugees in the next year. This is a staggering drop especially considering the record numbers of refugees across the globe, over the past decade. There are currently 70.8 million forcibly displaced people world-wide, millions of whom are refugees, half of whom are children. The UNHCR puts this into perspective by explaining that every two seconds, at least one person becomes displaced due to conflict or persecution. One. Two. So what can we do? Here are just a few things:

1. Inform yourself. The facts are all easy to find and will help you form an informed opinion and engage in meaningful conversation.
2. Talk about it! After knowing the facts, get the conversation going and challenge fears and misconceptions.
3. Help out. There are many refugee homes and centers in constant need of an extra hand. And the closest one may be just a quick drive away!
4. Donate. IRC, Save the Children, Mercy Corps, Doctor without Borders, Jesuit Refugee Services…check them out and you know what to do!
5. Vote. Change begins at home and an informed vote can help catalyst this change.
6. Support businesses that support refugees. Here are some favorites to name a few: Ben & Jerry’s, Uniqlo, AirBnB, Lyft, Ikea and Starbucks.
7. Contact your member of congress. After finding out who your representative is, shoot them a call or email. More tools and templates can found below!
8. Pray! For the safety of refugees, for peace, for our world leaders and for the desire to be bold, be kind, be empathetic and act in courage and humility.

Here are a few more resources and quick links you can use:

• full list of places to donate: Charity Navigator
• easy to read stats and facts: UNHCR trends at a glance
• GREAT documentary: Human Flow by Ei Wei Wei (can be found on YouTube, Amazon Video and Google Play for just a couple of bucks)
• keep up with the news on migrants and refugees on: UN News
• online petition to contact your representative: HIAS